Have you had stupid, meaningless comments blow up into out-of-control family drama?
Of course you have. We all have, and it seems to happen most often in families, with those closest to us. Just this week, a simple text conversation between my sisters and I, turned into an ugly verbal brawl.
“Every relationship that we have in our lives – our contact with each person, place, and event – serves a very special, if yet to be realized purpose: They are mirrors that can serve to show us things about ourselves that can be realized in no other way.” Guy Finley
I have been reflecting on this, and what it is trying to show or tell me about myself. I know that I suck at communication, and also my own feelings of self-worth. Those have been my biggest challenges in this life. Even though I am aware of these difficulties, I find myself being critical or judgemental of those who mirror those challenges back to me. It points out to me what I still need to work on.
What is being mirrored back?
Paying attention to the times when you say, “Ugh, I hate it when she does that!” and turn it around to say “I hate it when I do that. What can I do to change it within myself?” The things that are being triggered within you are showing you what needs your attention. Often we don’t want to see this, and that is why we react in anger. It is difficult acknowledging our faults, but it is the only way we can make the necessary changes and move forward.
Separate yourself from the drama
Stay grounded and centered in yourself, and try to be the observer of the situation without getting pulled into the drama. Disconnecting from it will help to get clarity within yourself, but also see the situation more clearly. It also helps to maintain your energy and boundaries.
Whose issues are these?
Realize that it may not be your issues but theirs. Notice if you are triggered by your issues, or if it is their issues causing the drama. If it is not your stuff, stay out of it and allow them to work it out for themselves. It is not your job to fix them, or even to keep the peace. Your only responsibility is to yourself. You are the only one you have control over and the only one you can heal. They must take responsibility for themselves. We each have our own individual journey, and nobody else can walk it for us.
Send love
Holding a space of love for them to work through their challenges is not always easy, especially within a heated conflict. Being able to observe without judgement or anger, and setting an intention and energy of love around the situation and all involved will help you to stay out of it and also allow them to have whatever experience they need to have. It is also accepting that sometimes people choose to do things the hard way, and that is their right. Be okay with that, and send them love.
Each experience we have is a gift and brings something to our lives. Even the difficult, challenging or negative experiences can be blessings if we are open and aware of what it brings to us. It may be a lesson we needed to learn that will help us to grow, or maybe an awareness that helps us to choose a different path.
Be open to receive the gifts and blessings in every situation, and you will truly live an abundant and joyous life.
If you would like help figuring out your triggers, what is mirrored to you by others, and how to heal it, contact me. I’d love to help you heal and move forward.